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NO GO On Buying White Gables... For Now

green wind
The difference between a residential property and a commercial property is exactly 1 unit. A certain amount of units is okay to get an FHA loan if you also live on the property. However, 1 beyond that means you can't get FHA and you'll have to get a commercial business loan which requires over 20% down. We don't have over 75,000 smackers to throw down, so we won't be buying this place via any conventional means.

However, the university Foundation people are looking into arrangements for a loan through other means-- what other kind is possible is hard for me to imagine, but then I'm not a suave and sophisticated financier now, am I? So there is still a chance something may be worked out, but I'd say that chance is slim. Its too bad, too, because this place is ideal in so many ways... We might be able to do a land contract thing, but I doubt the Foundation wants to mess with that, they just want to get rid of the property altogether and quickly.

I'm not overly worried though. For now, we're doing great as managers and I don't see us as being likely to get kicked out of the position. We work pretty darned cheap, considering. Also, anyone who DOES have over $70 K to toss out for a down payment is not likely to decide to move here into a tiny 2-bedroom townhouse to live and take over the job. Not to mention-- the place barely pays for itself and if it burns down, you can only build a large residential single family home in its place, since the multi-family housing is claused in... and loan companies don't like that kind of potential loss.

Its this very awkward piece of property for most conventional financial arrangements. Two acres where you can't develop it any further. Several units in a large dwelling where multiple units aren't allowed. Basically, what we're doing now with the not-quite-co-housing thing is pretty much the most you can do with it. Perhaps we could rent grazing land out or grow low-maintenance crops (fruit and/or nut trees, blueberries, Xmas trees, etc.) but that's about the only thing we haven't done yet other than a couple of extra livestock like goats or something.

WHO would buy it, really? Someone may, but they'd need someone to care for it and so we'd continue with the sweet deal we have going now. Also, why would they make us stop having gardens and chickens and such? Maybe close the wading pool for lack of insurance or something. But really, I think we're okay for some time to come.

Now we're freed to start looking at other properties to maybe do something similar to what we're doing here, only without the hiccups of a severe land use restriction on a grand-fathered situation. I think we could do pre-fab cabins or cabins from kits on a property with a single house in areas where you can have "vacation housing" or something. Anyway, it'll be fun to look as we continue to do our thing here.

Am I disappointed? Sure. But not crushed by any means. Nothing is going to change overnight. We have time to figure things out still.

Better Results Than I Feared

Lucretia posyprofile
So JMG was very supportive in his comment back to me-- saying essentially, "Derision and scorn? Not on an Archdruid's forum!" which was cool of him. It wasn't his derision and scorn I feared, however, but rather most of his very practical and nutz-n-boltz reality people that frequent his commentary pages. I've been made fun of a little already there (no surprise that, eh?) but I'm rather used to people raising their eyebrows at me. I'm a little cockeyed in my approach at times, its true.

Anyway, that went well.

Another discussion that went well-? My last talk with Gerick.

He's been turning bitchy again (and at the wrong time for me, since my hormones are making me all kinds of extra-assertive here lately!) and I just can't deal with it. A bad day or mood here or there, okay-- yeah, we all have them. But when he comes home from work sour and mean day after day after day? Yeah-- NO. Not okay with that.

We talked about how he needs to just take a few 'jobs' at a time around here and keep it light and simple and stop pressuring himself so much. It doesn't have to be an ordeal all the time.

I also pretty much told him he has to be lazy sometimes. I mean, laying down doing NOTHING practical what-so-ever kind of lazy (because even his version of play is work to most people.) He agreed that his work was high pressure and he was bringing it home and taking it out on me again. Old habits and all of that. I don't have it in me to tolerate it anymore, though. I said he has to figure out ways to just let go of shit and take it easy. I've taken up a lot of slack here lately because my flares, after popping up so much in the very recent past, seem to have backed way off. I have little pain, no fatigue, and no fog and I am kicking ass on the home front. I told him he needs to enjoy it when I'm doing well and bask in some well-earned LAZE time while he can. Lady knows my flares will be back again regularly soon enough. He has to take advantage of the reprieve while he can! I know I sure do!

So he started today-- coming home from work and just taking a dip in the pool and laying on the floaty mattress for over an hour and a half. By the time he dipped again and got out he was as mellow as milk. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about, baby! Just rest for a spell now and again.

This weekend no faerieworlds for us for once. We're just getting some odd jobs done around here and relaxing. Next year I would like to do a festival or 2-- maybe FWs but maybe something else, who knows? I am okay with a low pressure weekend. We have one party to go to Saturday night and that is it for us this weekend. Otherwise? *shrugs*

JMG Talks of Purpose, I Comment

Blue Sun (transf/transc)
I'm probably a glutton for punishment. I am not well understood when I comment at The Archdruid Report, but I keep popping in to offer my own brand of crazy to the readers there. Not often but every now and again I feel moved to speak up.

This week-- well check it out: thearchdruidreport.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-gray-light-of-morning.html


My response:

"I appreciate this post, JMG.

I've said this before here, but I'm one of those people who has experiences beyond the normal mode of everyday material reality, and its mostly a very private thing because its not an accepted realm of human life in the mainstream anymore. Not just dreams and visions (being awake but so relaxed one experiences a whole other level of reality beneath or beyond the physical) but also events and encounters which seemed to cross over and bleed into our waking world as well (with multiple witnesses and so forth, without drugs.)

I had my very first visions as far back as age 3, they escalated in my teens and early 20s, and declined to a low but steady clip now in my 40s. I've met others who had the same, and I've also met those with mental afflictions such as schizophrenia, and the difference is quite stark. I later was fortunate enough to meet a couple of people who helped me negotiate my own dreaming mind and explore with more purpose and will, as well as understand more of what these odd encounters were all about.

One overwhelming piece of information that got conveyed to me repeatedly in my various experiences was that the future of our modern world was not going to continue on like most think. I swear some MIND attached to the world (though I wouldn't call it "Gaia" necessarily) gave me the impression that nature reacts to our bending it beyond its normal capacity and eventually it snaps back violently like the proverbial branch. I had visions of the weather systems of the world changing in the 70s before such things were much discussed (and I was a child then.) That's just one piece of many. Now I'm watching some of those things come to pass and others seem to be lining up to do so.

I feel like most of what you say here regarding the future is old news on some level. Yet my rational mind benefits from the way you explain things that my intuition grasped a long time ago. I'm no wispy wishful thinker, with notions of being some special savior dancing through my egoistic mind. I just know that:

~ I need to focus on what I can do and then do it, staying alert and adapting as I go.

~ I need to be a good person to the best of my ability, regardless of the outcome of that, though "winning" is more important to most people. If only because I have that power to do good if no other, and to give up that power in the world is to embrace cowardice and the loss of self-respect.

~ I must face these challenges like an adventurer in a story, because we are all heroes and heroines in our own stories. The story is the point, and right now the world needs us to step up. It DOES matter, we ARE watched-- by something. It may not seem like it counts, but it all counts.

I share this here even though I know I'm inviting scorn and derisive laughter by doing so. I don't mention it ordinarily, but I'm not the only one out there that comes to such conclusions through odd experiences. Why do some people have these experiences and not others? That I can't answer. I don't get it either and I don't feel particularly wise or special or worthy. Just plugged in to more subtle things sometimes. And, anyway, many of these experiences were terrifying to an extreme if only because I didn't understand what was going on. A child or teen going through these things with no one around to offer comfort or practical ways to deal with what is experienced is put through both heaven and hell.

Too much to get into, really. Just wanted to say:

Yes. Exactly. And thank you.
"

First White Gables Meeting

music
Great news to report!

We went over everything-- and I mean everything. From chickens and eggs to toddlers and toys in the yard.

Lots of practical things gone over, planned, or put to rest. But then the hardest part about the kids running wild was discussed, and they took it well, luckily. They even agreed with us that the toddlers got away from them sometimes and yeah, it could be dangerous as well as just annoying.

I was SO nervous, but I'm glad it got brought up.

Best of all, when it was over (only took 45 minutes) we got a fire going and sat around as the sun set into the evening and just hung out together as friends for several hours. Ended up even having a cookout with hot dogs and s'mores. So evidently no hard feelings!

Everyone also agreed that regular meetings was a good idea to make sure things are addressed in a timely way. (Mostly about all the stuff Gerick and I have to keep up on and sometimes forget about.) With 2 more eager tenants wanting to be in on various projects, we'll really have to figure out details carefully and together. The more people involved, the more complicated things can get.

I was very happy that Sunday ended up being such a mellow day, and all those tense issues are dealt with and behind us. Human emotions and issues of respect can be very touchy subjects and I can really appreciate that everyone at White Gables is so dedicated to keeping the peace and cooperating. Its not an easy thing to put down pride for the sake of the group-- believe me, I know this one personally from much experience!

So-- yes, all is well and it seems we're good now. Have I mentioned how relieved I am?

Tori Amos At the Zoo!

princess
Gerick only worked a half day, in order to be home in plenty of time to get Shayla and myself and take off for the zoo. A special concert there with Tori Amos was on our agenda!~

We got the 'general lawn' seating, which meant bringing blankets to spread out on the lawn. We were actually pretty close to the head of the line and got a great spot perfectly aligned with where Tori sat at her piano. It was hot, though-- and I got a little sunburned. I completely forgot to bring my parasol, and I regretted that mightily!

But then the sun set and the breeze kicked up to be deliciously cool, and the show began!

I have to say that Tori Amos, regardless of whether you like her style of music or not, is immensely talented-- commonly playing 2 instruments at once quite routinely. And her voice! My gods! She's 50 now and yet she sounds as fresh and clear as a young woman in her 20s. Not one sour note, never too breathy or gravelly. She sang out powerfully and melodically and her show was just brilliant.

Some pics of the night:

The very start of the show, the winds kicking up-- elephants eating within view of the stage just to the left.

Torist

Soon night fell, and things were off! Tori wore her geek glasses throughout, which seemed appropriate.

toriv

I started crying when these girls who were dancing in synch to a song of Tori's were stopped by a bouncer, who then got booed-- and Tori stopped the concert to tell the guy to let them dance. There was a massive cheer and the girls resumed. Those girls here, shown earlier-- and a view from Tori's side of things looking out on the crowd (I'm in there!)

dangrltori2

Soon, there was a small crowd of people to one side dancing and swaying to songs and it all worked out.

toriu

My favorite portion of the performance was the encore presentation with the most beautiful rendition of Wedding Day I've ever heard, plus a cover of the Depeche Mode song.

torip

Being outside to watch the show made it extra special, and we left feeling very satisfied with Tori Amos songs running through our heads.

KNOCK KNOCK...

half elf
... Helloooooo?

Is anybody out there?

*taps mic*

Is this thing working?


Anybody..?


Beuller?    Beuller?





Huh. Damndest thing. I can hear an echo coming off my text these days!


=^D

Tags:

Dream: Saving the Girl

dreams
I woke from an odd dream this morning that was a powerful enough metaphor for my life that I thought I should share...

In the dream, I was discussing a problem that had arose recently with some weird cult family who lived near us: no one had heard anything from them in weeks. I finally decided to go by and see what was up.

To my surprise, a young girl, weak and malnourished, but alive-- was scrabbling her way out from some weird shelter/container (about as big as the cab cover on a standard-size pick-up truck). I went to help her and quickly realized she was from that unbalanced family. She had survived somehow on some provisions. I hugged her and called for the others in the area to come assist me. The girl was saved.

But what about the rest of her family? Evidently, believing the world outside was too toxic or something, they had locked themselves into this container thing. I hunched down and looked into the end of it to see what happened to them, dreading the sickly state they must surely be in.

To my surprise, I found they were already dead. Skeletons or near so, with big, broken bottles of glass near all of them (representing their own provisions to survive.) In the dream, I found I was further surprised at how absolutely relieved I was! It was a mother, father, and older sister of the girl who was being saved who were lying there dead in what had turned out to be a family-sized coffin. I was glad because it meant the twisted people that girl came from couldn't fuck her over anymore and impose their will upon the girl, who would be safe and free to be in the world as she was meant to be.

I felt sorry for the weird family, all dead from foolish fears and baggage issues, of course. But I was glad "it was over with."
Then I awoke.

I quickly grasped upon awakening that the family was MINE as a child. I was the "girl who got away." My mother and sister are very much alive, obviously, so I think their "death" in the dream was more about the death of their power over me-- to feel like I have to remain trapped with them in their sad lives the way I was as a child and even as a young adult sometimes. The girl 'barely made it out alive,' but she DID make it. There was hope for her once the hope for her family was allowed to die.

A very sad reality yes. But I think its wise of my subconscious to realize this truth. I'm better off trusting the scary world "out there" than I am remaining isolated with their brand of crazy limitations.

Not Quite Co-housing

barebreast posies
What we're attempting to do here at 'White Gables' is close to, but not exactly, co-housing.

For one thing, its a 'found' situation, converted from an existing apartment house. No one built this intending to make it a co-housing facility.

For another, though there are shared storage and outdoor areas, everyone has a totally private townhouse apartment of their own. Many co-housing places have a common kitchen and so forth, though of course it depends greatly on how many units participate in the program.

Also, though everyone contributes ideas and work into the property, most of the work and the final decisions are OURS. We don't have consensus or voting officially or anything.

Its the third point that I wanted to talk about today. Its been on my mind a lot lately due to a minor conflict of interest...

Given how much we're doing and how ambitious our goals have become over time, the residents of White Gables are going to start regular half-hour to 45 minute meetings once a month to touch base and make sure our expectations are understood and to iron out any issues and to make plans. Everyone who wants to participate (which is everyone except our mostly absentee resident Don, who travels so much of the year) is invited. Its just getting too complicated to figure stuff out by chance and in passing, especially with so much going on 9 months of the year!

Still, in the end, Gerick and I are the deciding authorities and I have to admit I prefer it that way. Actually, most of the people here seem to prefer it that way because they don't have to do as much, nor do they have the burden of that kind of responsibility. However, even so, Gerick and I care deeply about making sure people's needs and wants are met as much as possible. We mean it when we say that mutual respect is super important.

I think a reason we prefer to have the ultimate veto power, though, is both because Gerick does so much of the actual physical work and puts in so much of the money-- and thereby earns a higher share of say-so, but also because we know from experience that most people in charge of such an enterprise (socially) are neither as fair nor as generous as we tend to be. We've been burned a lot, and, as I've written in posts years past, we decided to never put ourselves in the position of being at other people's mercy again.

Instead, we've opted to start and run our own thing, covering many people's needs and really emphasizing the whole community aspect. But yes, this isn't an even playing field exactly... Which is why what we're doing, to be scrupulously honest, is NOT quite co-housing, which are run more by consensus and equal say. I don't think I want to deal with perfectly equal say, because I don't trust that one trouble-maker won't spoil everything. Its happened too many times in too many situations. Also-- consensus is a grueling process that takes FOREVER and leaves hard feelings and spiritual exhaustion in its wake. We have a semi-consensual method here. We say we want to try _____, others weigh in for how it would affect them and how best to go about it, but then we do it. If anyone has a suggestion, they bring it up and say they want to try _____. Then we discuss it, and most often we can find a way to accommodate them, finding a way that works best together. Still, if we say no, it doesn't happen-- although we never veto anything without an obvious and very logical reason.

So-- for the record I feel its important to make those distinctions. We put more money and work into things, and we have more say, and we are okay with that, but it pretty much has to be okay with anyone who lives here as well, really. So far it is. We shall see as we go along. This is still a learning curve in so many ways. One thing I've found is that most people really crave some sort of friendly authority to make those final decisions. I never did, so I find that tendency puzzling myself, but it works for me since I like having input that is greatly respected. Gerick has always been willful and ambitious, ready and willing to commit time, effort, and resources into his goals-- so he becomes a hands-on leader by default whether he sets out to be such or not.

Oh, and that 'conflict of interest'-?

Pretty minor, but mainly its about how Natasha & Kalden let Maya (and any other toddlers who visit) run around unsupervised or uncontrolled too much. The littles chase chickens or handle them too much, damage garden plants and flowers, and in general shouldn't be trusted out of sight for long at all. And even when supervised, too often very small children are not told 'no' firmly enough- or sometimes even at all. The kids have too much freedom which gets abused and we're at the point now where we're going to have to make it clear that's not okay. We've brought it up before more casually, but that hasn't made the point clearly enough, apparently.

Of course we want the kids to have fun and enjoy the yard, they just need to have clear limits and parents that watch them carefully and enforce those limits on no uncertain terms. I understand and for the most part respect Natasha's family's take on enjoying life and the kids and not making everything a contest of authority, etc. I get it. However, the kids could be hurt and so could animals and plants that belong to everyone. That's NOT okay and somehow we have to bring that point home.

So the monthly meeting will be a time where we can officially address issues like that without seeming like we're picking on anyone-- it'll just be a time when all things are looked at, discussed, and decided. Plus, other neighbors here will know the rules as well and can help enforce them, knowing its okay to tell the kids 'no' if they see something going on. No more assumptions and neglecting of things not clearly understood.


I shall dutifully record the ups and downs of this whole community experiment as we go. So far, very few negative issues. This year, its mainly about feeling like we bit off a tad more than we can chew at times, but that can be fixed next year by dialing down our ambitions a bit. Hopefully, the fit young men about to join us take on some of the work and help us balance out our communal lives here better. We shall see.

Doing It Right

I feel pretty
Charles Hugh Smith often posts practical news and advice on his blog, and I was happy to see that recently he's said that everything we're doing right now is exactly correct:

Link to that post HERE: charleshughsmith.blogspot.com/2014/07/a-reader-asks-how-to-find-shelter-from.html

"1. Don't count on pensions maintaining their current purchasing power as the promises issued in previous eras are not sustainable going forward. I've addressed the reasons for this ad nauseam, but we can summarize the whole mess in four basic points:
A. Demographics.
B. The exhaustion of the debt-based consumption model.
C. Printing money out of thin air does not increase wealth, it only increase claims on existing wealth.
D. Pensions funds are assuming absurdly unrealistic returns on their investments.

2. Lowering the cost of one's lifestyle. It's much easier to cut expenses than it is to earn more money or squeeze more yield out of capital.

3. Establishing roots in a community of like-minded people. Though it's rarely mentioned in a culture obsessed with financial security, day-to-day security is based more on community than on central-state-issued cash--though this is often lost on those who have surrendered all sense of community in their dependency on the state. The core of community is reciprocity: before you take, you first have to give or share. Free-riders are soon identified and shunned.

4. Lessen your dependence on anything that requires debt and assets bubbles for its survival. Whatever depends on expanding debt and asset bubbles for its survival will go away when credit/asset bubbles pop, which they always do, despite adamant claims that "this time it's different." It never is.

5. Control as many real resources as you can. These include water rights, energy-producing or conserving assets (solar arrays, geothermal heating/cooling systems, etc.), farmland, orchards and gardens, rental housing, and tools that you know how to use to make/repair essential assets such as transport, housing, equipment, etc.

6. It's easier to conserve/not use something than it is to acquire it or pay for it. As resources rise in price, those who consume little will be far less impacted than those whose lifestyles requires massive consumption of gasoline, heating oil, electricity, water, etc. It's as simple as this: don't waste food, or anything else.

7. The easiest way to conserve energy and time is to live close to your work and to essential services/transport hubs. Those who reside in liveable city neighborhoods and towns with public transport and multiple modes of transport who can walk/bike to work, farmers markets, cafes, etc. will need far less fossil fuel than those commuting to everything via vehicle.

8. Be useful to others. That way, they'll want you around and will welcome your presence. There are unlimited ways to be helpful/useful.

9. Trust the network, not the state or corporation. Centralized systems such as the government and global corporations are either bankrupt and don't yet know it or are bankrupt and are well aware of it but loathe to let the rest of the world catch on.

10. Be trustworthy. Don't be morally corrupt or work for corrupt/self-serving institutions. Many initially idealistic people think they can retain their integrity while working for morally bankrupt, self-serving bureaucracies, agencies and corporations; they are all eventually brought down to the level of the institution."


Notice especially #s 3, 8, and 10!! Not a lot of the prep and collapse rhetoric out there address the social side of it: how we need to learn to get along with people and help each other again. I can't believe how we've changed our life doing our "White Gables" thing here, but it feels pretty revolutionary! To begin with, it just means reaching out and being NICE and making connections with other nice people. Just that to start. Then you have to maintain connection and communication. You also have to realize just your family alone is not going to cut it. Different people have wildly different networks and expertise groups to pull from and that is why you just HAVE to expand your horizons with people.

And yes, that means you have to be tolerant of other people's religions and politics and find areas of compatibility. Not always easy. But you just have to keep that respect high and remember what matters is knowing that others have your back and you are free to be generous too. Gerick and I have sometimes felt like suckers because we are free with our money and time to others. Yet we are finding that this habit of being is a big asset when you find other generous and kind people to pool resources with-!

Recent example: Just last Saturday, Natasha and her family were bringing things home from her grandmother's estate after her passing. There was more outdoor furniture than anyone could need there, and so they just brought it all to White Gables. Their own smaller set they gave to Shayla, who had none for her little patio area. They replaced their own with a nice new set with thick cushions. Then, they gave US a high table and 2 high chairs that actually matched the outdoor set we already have! Finally, they also brought home a wrought iron bench for the front shared area and an outdoor dining table and chairs for another shared area out back. All for free. Everyone got an upgrade and more places to sit or eat outside in general.

The patio furniture was in great condition, and Natasha's family could have sold it for cash easily, but they chose to share it with the community instead. But then, last weekend, Gerick helped Kalden dismantle, haul, and erect a wooden playstructure for their kids without any need for pay. It only took a day and it was a joy to see little Maya's face when she got up from her nap to a playset all ready to go! We just do favors for each other as a matter of course. No one takes advantage, we all just chip in when the opportunity arises.

Right now, times are flush and so we build "human capital." Not for some ulterior motive, but to make life more satisfying and meaningful and friendly. However, should things go wrong, we are surrounded by others who have our back, and that's a good place to be. Not to mention its good practice. We don't have to do this now, but its smart to learn how to get along and share with others while we have a choice about it. In the meantime, we have a home with a "homey" feel and we're making friends and learning and teaching and sharing and having fun and its all to the good. =^)

A Practicing Pagan Again?

mayfair
It was HOT and humid (for Oregon) this Saturday! It reminded me of Ohio, although of course it still was just a fraction of the type of humidity one faces in the Great Lakes region in summer! Still, I hid from the heat during the day and was looking forward to being warm and comfortable at night.

Reese showed up early after selling her wares at a local Saturday Farmer's Market and took a nap. Gerick and I cleaned the house so we'd be done and could be lazy for the rest of the weekend into next week (HA! as if Gerick could ever be lazy~!)

I wasn't expecting too many people to the Supermoon cocktail party I was throwing, but a few people stopped by after 8 pm for a couple of hours to hang out, watch the moon rise, and check out our garden. It was a mellow evening, relaxing and low pressure, so I'm not complaining. =^)

I realized in the course of speaking to Reese, who is also pagan, that all those tarot readings and dreams I've been getting for the last 4 years that tell me to go back to leading a pagan group are finally starting to change my mind... I'm bloody bored with my mundane existence, I'll admit it. I relent! I'll go back to my damned spiritual calling-- something I've been dragging my feet over for far too long. I was burned out and had to walk away for a time, but now I can't stand all my socializing being so random and casual. I need something more focused and meaningful sometimes too. Its making me twitchy.

But I don't want to be 'in charge' really. I don't want to train noobs. I don't want to allow near-strangers to access my personal life. I don't want to throw away my efforts to ungrateful users. I don't want to open myself to trust just anyone when I commune with divinity.

I'm going to approach this carefully and sideways. I'll start with just a discussion group of people who have been active at least 10 years with 5 years of group experience, or active 15 years as a solitary. I'd just prefer to begin something with some people who are at least somewhat seasoned and know what's 'out there' in the pagan world locally.

Then, I'll probably do a pagan prep group once a month for a year as one 'thing,' while having a smaller group of pagans who want to discuss ideas and future plans for what they'd like to do if they could find a great group. I figure we can trade war stories, ideas, and just maybe-- maybe actually find a few people who have compatible ideas for getting something started.

In a year, I'll drop the pagan prep thing, having trained a bunch of other people and maybe expanded my prep community successfully-- who would hopefully go on to train others. By that time, I'm hoping I have a handful of people who might want to start some type of group-- either with me or on their own but with a friendly connection or something. At that point, I'll have to see what feels right. I'm a good teacher, coordinator, and creative planner. I seem to be good at getting things going and finding a workable system that functions well.

I just don't want to feel obligated to cater to whiny babies, selfish users, or drama-mongers. I am so done with that! If I put so much effort and time into something, I'm not going to be forced to beg for respect again. That shit is over. I'm more than reasonable and fair, and if other people's fucking personal baggage start screwing things up again--? They take a sabbatical or get the fuck out.

Somehow, I have to find a way to address the psychological aspect of individual people and focus it in a positive and growing direction. The intimacy and vulnerability that deep ritual encourages also seems to bring out everyone's Shadows and Rays to come to the forefront. I've got to find a constructive way to deal with this reality so it doesn't sabotage the rest of the what we're trying to do! I'm much further along in dealing with such things these days-- especially given how far I've come in addressing my own baggage and bullshit! Still, I don't have it in me to go through what I went through before. I have no patience for wasting time in such a manner at this point in my life.

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lucretiasheart
Lucretia Heart

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